Top Ten House Descriptions on My Paper Route

It was difficult to learn which houses I was to deliver newspapers to.  Maybe harder than you’d think.  I had four days of training by my sister-in-law whose route I took over. Her daughter would describe houses like,
“the royalty house,” because it had red carpet in the hallways.  Or “Maddie’s house,” because a golden retriever named Maddie was always out when they’d deliver there.  So now that I’ve been doing this paper route for over a month now, I have my own list. 

10.  “The Scary House.”  Because this house serves as a moderate “halfway house” for people trying to make a rebound in their lives. Scary because I think many of them have a long way to go before they  “rebound.” I’ve encounter a few drunk people on the steps. It’s loaded with cats that slink or run in the dark. There is even a gray cat that sits inside a window and tries to jump up the sides of the ledges surrounding the window.  I’ve encounter people coming and going at all times during the wee hours of the morning and its mostly dark when I go there to deliver two papers. 

9.  “The Hospital.” Yep, every day I go to the hospital to deliver A paper.  As in one paper.  Its the hospital I was born in so that makes it kind of cool. 

8.  “The Asian House.” My wife and I call it that because we see Asian artifacts and Asian language symbols around the home. We have no idea if the owners really are Asian but we call it “The Asian House,” anyway. 

7. “The Flat Paper House.” This house only wants their paper flat. Not folded and not rolled up.  Its the only house on my route that demands it gets the newspaper lying flat at their doorstep.

6.  “Invisible Dog” house.  This house has a “beware of dog” sign at its front gate. But there is absolutely no dog around. Ever.  The first time I delivered there I didn’t know that so I was cautious about opening the gate and so cautious I closed the gate behind me as I entered. Had there actually been a dog, I would have been in serious trouble. One thing this invisible dog house does have is an occasional visit by the hissing cat.  Pretty funny stuff when I see it. It arches its back and I guess it seems to think that by chance I might actually get scared and run off. Maybe that is what happened to the dog.

5. “The Rich Guy’s House.”  We only call it this because it’s huge and it has a cool pool in the back yard with a French and Hispanic twist to the grounds surrounding the pool.  Plus the fact that the guy has all the toys. A huge RV, a really cool golf cart that is street legal with headlights and tailights.  I’ve met him on occasion when he’s come out to get his newspaper. 

4.  “The Inside Barking Dog” house.  No matter what I do, this dog hears me and starts barking. I am glad he is inside. I’ve met him and his owner once and he is a very active dog. Struggled with the owner to get a piece of me.  Cracks me up when I get off the porch and heading across the street and he will start barking.

3.  “The house with a gate but no fence.”  Interesting that someone would have a gate to open and not have a fence attached to the gate. I’ve started to just step around the gate and deliver the paper. The cool thing about this house is it looks like a castle and has an awesome view of downtown Lewiston, the Clearwater River, and the hills surrounding the valley.

2.  “The Chanandler Bing” house. If you’ve never seen the episode of “Friends” where Rachel and Monica are playing a game with Chandler and Joey and the question is asked of the girls, “What is Chandler’s last name?,” then this comment won’t mean much to you.  The girl’s answer, “Chanandler Bing.”  Chandler say’s, “Chanandler?” And of course the girls give themselves away because they’ve been stealing his magazine that has inadvertently misspelled his name.  I share this because I deliver to a house that I have to put the newspaer in a mailslot in the side of the house that simply say’s, “Chandler.” 

1.  “The orchestra and old muscials” house. Most every day when I approach this house, I hear either orchestra music playing inside or they are up watching one of the old musicals like “Dancing in the Rain.” 

Hope you enjoyed the read.